New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize