can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
