wanna go halves on a baby?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need to calm my uterus...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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