I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
