He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
