Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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