I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
