the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
