If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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