she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
