i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
