My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
