his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
