my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize