I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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