there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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