just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
