yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
