I'm jealous of your bromance
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize