I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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