i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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