I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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