Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
