Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
