Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
