Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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