you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
