Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
