Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
