Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
