Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize