alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
