i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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