honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
