I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
