That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
