I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
