Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Randomize
