My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
