I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
well you can't waste a boner
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
