You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
