I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
