um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
