I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
