It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
