I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm always down for nudity.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
