Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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