Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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