Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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