I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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