I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
