nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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