does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize