Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
