That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
