So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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