Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
