Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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