I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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