so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We need to get me chipped asap
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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