You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
