my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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