He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
