he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
