Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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