You really coming over, don't trick.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize