That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
