Jerry, you need to find god
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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