All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
