I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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