This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
did i just pee glitter
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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