Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
