its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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