There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
