Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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