You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
