Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
