Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
