is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
