guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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