things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
