Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
