Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
