O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize