I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
