I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
