I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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