Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
