im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
