Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize