eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize