i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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