Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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