god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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