He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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