Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
