OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
