I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
