There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
