I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
