i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
