I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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