I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
