How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
