please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
