dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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