I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
