I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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