Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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