the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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