'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
