why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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