For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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