I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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