i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
