I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
