i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i think my cat just said my name.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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