Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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