a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize