There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
