Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
