she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
