my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
