mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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