I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
